Fresh on the heels of its hit-and-run acquisition of Retek, its Oblix buy this week, and its hostile takeover of PeopleSoft earlier this year, Oracle’s pumps are primed for more power purchases. The database giant is expected to formally announce tomorrow its latest moves to block Colubris Networks’ pending acquisition of Wi-Fi titan Kiwi Networks, Semotus Solutions’ acquisition of database tools maker Expand Beyond, and FC Dallas’s acquisition of soccer All-Star Carlos Ruiz from the Los Angeles Galaxy.
Although stockholders have been restless about rumors of the latest purchases, outspoken CEO Larry Ellison defended the moves. “Look,” he said, “if these acquisitions would benefit Colubris, Semotus, and Dallas, it’s a sure bet they’d benefit Oracle even more.”
The Expand Beyond acquisition would seem to make the most sense, as it would allow Oracle to easily port a version of its database to handheld devices. The Kiwi Networks acquisition would give Oracle access to the latest in Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) technology, which is crucial for its new Retek retail business.
Ellison apparently has a more personal motive for buying out the contract of Ruiz, a star forward for the Galaxy and the league’s MVP in 2002. “I’m sick and tired of the Oracle soccer team getting its butt kicked by those weenies over at IBM,” Ellison said. Oracle’s baseball and table hockey teams are also faring poorly in the corporate leagues, but Ellison said he jumped on the chance to snap up a major league soccer star at a bargain price.
Ruiz seemed unsettled at first, until he learned that Oracle would be much kinder to his bank book than Major League Soccer has been. Despite his performance as a top scorer with the Galaxy, Ruiz pulled in a paltry $50,000 per year, while other star-caliber players earned as much as $500,000. Oracle has promised $150,000 per year, plus performance bonuses.
April Fools!
